Hold On Amu
by Dark13Fairy
Summary: Her life hasn't been easy, abandoned by her family and feeling all alone up until she met him, her guardian angel of darkness who saves her in more ways than one. - Will be regularly updated. Currently working on it.
1. Rare Night of fun

Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or it's characters in any way. Just the idea.

Major OOC. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Icy sapphire eyes glared at me through the review mirror.

I tried to contain my laughter. As his smooth and musical voice growled out "I would push you out of the car if you weren't drunk" I smiled and spoke between giggling. "you love me." I teased, watching him roll his eyes in response.

For two long years, Ikuto had been my rock.

From my seat my golden coloured eyes drank in the sight of him, his midnight blue hair was covering his right eye and was spiked, around his neck was a silver cross necklace hanging over his black t-shirt.

I leaned my head further against the door as I streached out my legs.

I looked down at my damp black skinny jeans and wondered if his own black jeans were wet with the sticky liquid that had been spilt on us before we left the neon and darkly lit club. It smelled like creamy soda and cherries.

I was about to voice my thought when something large and thick was draped over my chest and legs, hiding my purple tank top from view and my purple and black studded belt.

Due to the alcohol I had consumed only minutes before, it took a few minutes for me to recognise the material as his leather jacket that he always wore.

I pulled the material around my body like a small blanket and smiled at the back of his head as I noticed he had stopped the car just to throw a make shift blanket on me to keep me warm.

"Don't be so wreckless again Amu." Was all I heard from my guardian angel before my heavy eyes fell shut and I drifted to sleep, the alcohol taking its toll on me.

Ikutos POV:

I wanted to turn around and grab her chin and make her look into my eyes and see the worry and fear inside but as I looked at her through the review mirror of the car I could see she was in no state to listen.

I sighed as I recalled how much she had drunken tonight. For the first time in two years she had gone overboard and drunk more than her body could handle and resulted in throwing up on some poor blonde girl who immediately tried to slap amu before I stepped in and flashed her a smile and apologised before handing her $50 and telling her to go clean up.

Of course the night didn't end there as the drunk pinkette than ran off and begun to dance and grind on any guy while I glared and intimidated by standing close to her with my hands on her waist and smirked as they got the message and backed off.

Some days I wondered if we would ever be a couple or if I should accept she may never see me the way I see her. Even though I know she doesn't want anyone else, I can't help the jealously or possessiveness I feel when I see her grinding so closely against them.

Noticing the windshield fogging up from how cold it was, I tore my eyes away from the review mirror and grabbed my leather jacket from the passanger seat and dangled it over her.

A smile escaped as I watched her snuggle into it and drift off to sleep.

I know she jokingly teased me of loving her before but I wish she knew, I really do love her.

"Don't be so wreckless again amu, for my sake, please." My voice trailed off as I sighed before putting the keys in the ignition and taking off once again.

Not planning to stop until we reached home.

OOC Amu and Ikuto.

Warning for dark and tragic, depressing and mature themes to come.


	2. Remember those times

Hey amazing readers,

I know the first chapter was short. Truth be told, I'm not sure if I'll be good at many long chapters just yet. I'm sorry about that. However, please note: **Full of depression.**

**(Trigger warning:)**

This chapter contains reference or includes: depression,self harm, suicide discussion, graphic and mature content, mild-coarse language/profanity.

Ikuto's POV:

Turning into the gravel drive, I parked the car just outside the garage and turned it off, pulling the keys out of ignition as I did so and looked over my shoulder. Gazing down at the girl who remained peacefully asleep despite the noise of thunder and rain, I opened the door and released the warmth of the car only to be soaked by the rain. Ignoring the cold liquid and escaping warm air, I shielded her body from the cold.

Deciding not to wake her, I lifted her gently and carried her up the few concrete stairs to a small double story wooden house. I frowned for a second as I leaned her slightly against the navy blue door with intricate vine designs carved into it, to grab the key and unlock it.

I pushed the door open and stared down as she gripped onto my now soaked shirt. Smiling slightly, I glanced around the darkened lounge room and began to walk up the flight of black stairs, matching the dark tones of the room that could just be seen by the moonlight filtering through the glass door and window leading to the back yard across the room.

I stopped down the hall at the third door on the right, pink with black and blue flowers had been painted on it along with three letters, "Amu." I opened her door before walking over to the queen size bed with dark purple satin sheets and pillows, then pulled back her matching purple duvet, quilt, and blankets.

I gently laid her down before removing my black jacket from her warm body along with her black knee high leather boots, pulling up the duvet, quilt, and blankets over her small and thin body before looking to make sure she was happily asleep, shutting the door quietly and leaving to my own room.

I immediately flipped the light on to see the familiar sight of teal silver walls and my king size bed with red satin sheets and black pillows, red and black duvet, quilt, and blankets. I ignored the tempting comfort of my bed and strolled over to the bathroom, pushing the sliding white door aside and entering the bathroom with a double shower and inbuilt spa bath and marble countertops with black diamond tiled flooring. Ignoring my dripping wet hair and looks in the large mirror above the porcelain sink a few steps from the toilet, I began to strip out of my wet clothes and jumped into the shower, wincing as the cold water hit full blast until the hot kicked in only moments later. I got lost in my head with memories as my thoughts drifted and I recalled what happened a few years ago.

~~~~~~~Ikuto's flash back~~~~~~~

I was sitting alone on a giant rock in the middle of a river, bored out of my mind waiting for my favourite pink haired girl to show up. As I twisted a pink rose around in my hand I stared up at the sky and wondered what mischief we would get up to today. I had only known this girl about a week now, but could happily admit she had immediately captured my interest, concern, and maybe eventually my stone cold heart.

I sat up and brushed the small amounts of dirt off my black skinny jeans and snatched my damp blue hoodie that was dangling over the edge of the rock. I stood up and walked over to the clearing that led to a large forest where it snows regularly. My thoughts were on the previous days and activities.

Not only did we sneak into a closed movie theater and watched a lot movies until they opened that morning and then snuck out the emergency exit door, leaving the workers to think it's haunted, but we also went ice skating on the rink near my house and sat in a tree all night wrapped in separate blankets just discussing life.

It's how I first noticed the faint scars on her elbow and learnt about her family and how she had no friends until she bumped into me at the mall in a music store and bonded with me over music, it finally answered my question on why she wasn't smiling at all that day.

In fact, unless she was around me, she had no expression on her bright and pretty face. In return for learning about her hobbies of drawing, writing, singing (Only to herself. Unless she thinks I'm not around), working out, and learning to cook, I told her about my life with my dad somewhere around the world and my younger sister living away from this side of the world. I smirked as I recalled our first conversation and meeting and pieces of that week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~First meeting ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in dark blue skinny jeans with a red studded belt wearing a black band shirt of BMTH while flicking through their CD's when someone fell into my side, knocking me and the stand of their latest albums over. I laughed as I reached down to help the person up, turning silent as my eyes locked onto the most gorgeous girl I had seen in a very long time. With her bubble gum pink hair up in a ponytail held together by a red cross hair clip, and golden honey coloured eyes glaring into my own with her pink mouth turned into a frown. I stood mesmerized as she got to her knees and began picking the fallen CD's up.

I kneeled beside her and begun to help as I noticed a BMTH necklace around her neck along with a golden lock. Upon further inspection, I saw it had four sparkling crystal hearts each pointed inwards where a key goes, resting above the fabric of a red off shoulder shirt with a picture of a small black cat and blue eyes on it and a leather jacket. Looking down as I grabbed the last album, I saw the golden key mixed with a crystal edge shining brightly on her wrist before my eyes trailed to her legs, in black ripped leggings and a red and black mini skirt. I suddenly returned my gaze back to her eyes, but noticed that they were filled with emotion. My mouth opened and words were spoken before I could think about what I was saying, trapped in my play boy persona. "So, pretty pinkette. It seems the angels were thinking of me when they made you, I noticed you're also a BMTH fan."

I winked at her, smirking as her clear light skin turned a bright red before she raised her hand to slap me. "Pervert!" Her voice came out like a mixed melody to my sore ears from her loud yelling. I just smirked as she noticed my gaze on her chest before I stood up and pulled her along with me. Grabbing her phone from her pocket, I quickly added my number to her contacts and sent myself a text while holding it above her head since she was shorter than me. After I was done, I handed her phone back and laughed as she punched me in the arm. I pretended to be hurt. "Why did you punch so hard? I thought you'd be happy. A hot guy like me is showing interest." I pouted before regretting my words as the spark and emotions in her eyes died and were replaced with something that looked familiar, like sorrow and fear, remorse began to claw in my chest as I felt bad for what I said and was about to ask if she wanted to go grab some ice cream, my treat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of first meeting~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was snapped out of my thought of reminiscence by birds chirping close by. Growing bored,

I grabbed out my iphone to check if Amu had texted me back. Growing worried by the lack of response, I started to call her to make sure her parents weren't being cruel to her again or to see if she was distracted by her pompous prep boyfriend, when suddenly my vision went dark as two warm hands covered my face and I felt a warm body against my own. "Boo!"  
Her sweet voice shouted in my ear, which i'm sure she jumped to reach as I heard her feet hit the ground. Pushing her hand away with my own I spun around and wrapped my arms around her, secretly enjoying her choice of outfit for today. Her pink hair was in its usual ponytail with a black cross-shaped hair clip and a black off shoulder crop top with a black and pink pleated skirt and black knee high heeled boots.

"So, what's on for today?" I tilted her head back a bit and watched as her face turned a bright red, before I could ask why she was blushing so hard, I was pushed into a large puddle. I tried to plant my feet onto the ground without success, and fell hard to the ground. I held back a smirk before standing up and picking her up in my arms and carrying her to the river.  
"Ikuto! Put me down!" She squealed while laughing, her face lit up with happiness and I smiled a genuine smile before sliding her phone from her right hand and dumping her into the icy water.  
"Hope you can swim." I shouted over the noise of the current.

I waited a few seconds and watched as she swam over to the edge of the riverbank and begun to climb out of the water.  
"You can be such a jerk sometimes, you know that right Ikuto?" I crouched down and patted her head, knowing she was just joking.  
"Yeah, but only to you." I laughed as she tried to pull me into the water, moving back out of reflex.  
"Don't you have some other girl to annoy?  
Like a girlfriend or something?" I watched as she bit her lip and looked down at her now muddy and soaked boots, hiding her eyes from mine as I felt my heart tug.  
"Nope. I haven't had one in years. I'm happy being known as the schools playboy, girls can't get enough for me." I whispered in her ear.

"And don't you have a boyfriend? Surely you aren't jealous of some bimbos trying to steal me from you. "I breathed into her ear, holding back a laugh until it turned to pain as she jumped into the air and kicked me in the knee out of surprise. "Who said I was jealous? Tadase is a wonderful boyfriend thank you, he's caring and sweet and loyal..." I blocked out the rest of the comments regarding the arrogant blonde brat who thought he could have any girl at any time or even multiple, wondering if Amu knew that. Shaking my head I decided it's not my place to tell.

I begun to walk away and gathered a plan before my walk turned into a sprint, listening as she ran to catch up as I ran to our favourite oak tree and tapped it before sprinting off. The game was on, who could get to our favourite ice cream cart in just 5 minutes when it was usually a 15 minute run at best. Time seemed to pass so quickly as we ate our ice cream, talked about returning to school, and just general things as we sit on our rock and stared up at the starry sky. The night was warm enough that neither of us bothered putting back on our jacket or hoodie as they laid beside us.

Just like Cinderella, she waved goodbye at the end of the grey stone tiled driveway once it hit 12 AM and walked up to the large wood house with no lights on and a fire going in the living room fireplace that could be seen through the window facing the driveway. I stood for a minute longer and sent a text before beginning my walk home.  
"Stay safe, call or text if you ever need me." I was worried because the fireplace being on meant her drunken mum wasn't back yet but with her it was unpredictable to what mood she would be in when she returned. If she brought a random man home and went to her bedroom, she would be a bit happy and bearable the next day or at least until she was dumped. If she returned alone then I knew Amu was sure to be lectured.

I smiled as my phone buzzed and instantly read the message on screen before rapidly typing back. "I'm OK, thanks though. She left a note so i'm guessing she won't be back until later so I can pretend I'm asleep if I don't actually fall asleep before she returns. Thanks again for today Ikuto, it's been the best week of my life. You are already my best friend. Thanks for always being here for me in such a short amount of time." My heart sped up as I frowned a little, she shouldn't have to be worried about her mum or thanking me. I'm just doing what most friends do, well except for falling for her, I thought to myself. "No problem Amu, sweet dreams and see you tomorrow." As I climbed into my king size bed that night and drifted to sleep, I wish I had offered her to stay here the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amu's POV / dream:

Staring into the lake water, I held back the tears that stung my eyes. I didn't want to cry just because my mind was replaying every moment I had been lied to, betrayed and hurt.

I glanced at the blue clock on my thin wrist that read 3:35 AM and the date was 1ˢᵗ of October. More sadness flooded my mind and anger was there, burning me from the inside as its intensity grew. I was frustrated and feeling defeated. I remembered the last hour an hour when I tried to gain help. I laughed bitterly as I thought to myself "I can't even tell my mother that I'm suicidal or that suicide crossed my mind."

Instead when she repeated "So you had a good night?" in a slurred tone while squinting at me due to exhaustion from sitting in front of her computer all night with various empty alcohol bottles and cans around her, all I said was "Yeah, it was a good night" The words could not have sounded more meaningless or more fake then they did, I stood there frozen on the spot with wooden walls around me as I stared directly at her, ignored by her slow typing to try to forget her drunken failure of a daughter.

While in my head I screamed and thought. "No! I did not have a good night, I wish that when I had consumed alcohol that it didn't wake me up and make me realise or discover how much of a waste of a life I am or how I should be dead. I'm sorry I can't be a better human or daughter now because i'm constantly on the verge of breaking down mentally or slitting my wrists." I couldn't tell her any of that because she'll guilt trip or get angry, tell me to grow up and be mature and get over it or accept it.

Depression is not an easy fix, my frustration and hatred grew when she said those things.

One would think that someone with a assumed wonderful life and career,editor for the magazine Housewives' Knowledge with a so called loving and supportive husband who works as a wild bird photographer and a perfect younger child, would be happy with their only flaw being their worthless teenage daughter.

However due to reality or maybe partially her illusions, she claimed to suffer depression and strong anxiety and to be "down", only when it suits her. I thought maybe her, out of lots of people on this harsh planet would possibly understand. Even a tiny, little bit, what I'm going through but as usual. I was wrong. So wrong. She either didn't understand or just didn't care.

Instead, the truth was, my father had divorced her when I was 12. We didn't stay in contact but when we did, I would be lectured and yelled at, insulted and reminded how worthless I am, how I will never amount to anything. Of course I doubt raising two kids alone is difficult but she wasn't alone, she had help from her family and others, she never worked or tried to, instead receiving regular payments enough to afford a house, all the bills, and to take care of both kids but instead day after day was spent the same.

Either intoxicated in front of her computer crying about how broke she is and how I need to contribute more or insulting me and breaking down my will to live. It was never physical violence but years worth of insults and verbal manipulation and guilt tripping. I regularly went without good quality items or clothes, jeans and hoodies became my comfort along with my ipod which took me years of saving to finally get.

It hurt that as my younger sister. Ami grew, she was the golden child, I didn't care about the attention or praises she got. I was thankful she didn't go through the insults and pain however it hurt that she got everything she ever wanted without having to try for it all.

Shaking my head I snapped out of it as my thoughts of them changed, to the boy who broke not only my trust but my heart. I never trusted easily, even the rare times I did, it was a mistake.  
I think the most pain comes from the blame that I feel and knowing what people first think of me, their after thought didn't matter since no one ever thought of me after one time except for that first time.

"You seem so happy and full of life, you're so beautiful." Is what a boy with short blonde colored hair and ruby red eyes said to me, his face looked childish and gave him the appearance that he was younger than he actually was. Mentally I thought to myself "In this twisted reality though, I'm drowning in this dark feeling and struggling to fight to want to hold onto my life. I'm not beautiful or full of anything except depression and despair. I've lost hope and am alone in the dark"


	3. When it all went wrong (Chapter 3)

Please let me know if anything is too confusing or doesn't make sense and i'll re-edit and do my best to explain. Thank you. Been attempting to write all day and unfortunately am currently drained. I promise for a lengthy next chapter. 3

Amu's P O V/ dream:

Then the memories changed, flashing by in a blur of time going by, my first date, first kiss on the lips, snowboarding, meeting his friends who eagerly eyed me like I was a piece of meat, my parents occasionally meeting and yelling, the police showing up, more fights or insults but this time, directed at me.

I always warn people to just not bother being my friend or letting me trust if they were just going to hurt me.

Finding my boyfriend of one year at that time, cheating on me with the school slut, Saaya, that definitely hurt me. A girl with peach coloured skin and sharp green eyes with auburn short curly hair and a curvy body, their bodies entwined and lost in each other until I cleared my throat, anger filled me before I ripped off the gold bracelet, that I dimly recall he gave me on my birthday, before throwing it at his face and picking up one of her giant red high heels and throwing it into her back and walking out of that room and house, not once looking back. I felt my heart breaking even more than I thought possible. The rush of memories didn't slow down and I didn't care.

I tried to pretend to myself maybe if I just took it day by day, I'll be OK but that's a terrible plan because my outcome will just be the same. I wanted this more than anything. In the world, there's moment of peace where the problems don't exist because I will lie and say "I'm fine." Or "I'm OK." Because there's no escape from this prison.

The memories stopped and I returned to sitting on a large rock in the middle of a river with the current sweeping away everything in its path. My hands were shaking, fingers trembling as I wrote on different letters.

The first one was one yellow and marked: "To the cheating king of ass-holes. Aka. Tadase.  
I would say I'm sorry. I wasn't the partner you deserve, however you should have just dumped me rather than play me."

The second. To my so called parents:  
I'm sorry I wasn't the daughter you wanted. I won't bother either of you ever again."

And the final and longest one of all, requiring two pages.  
To my one and only true friend, Ikuto. :  
I'm so sorry, I wish I had of known you for longer than a week but the one week we spent together meant everything to me.  
I'm thankful I will always have those memories and I apologise that I'm not the friend who can be there and just be supportive of you like you were to me.

I'm too broken and lost and I'm giving up tonight, giving up on this thing called life and accepting that I'm too much of a coward to try and find any inner strength or reason within me to try and survive." Folding each of them up, I shoved them into the nearby mailbox a few blocks down after scribbling down the address and to the sender on each.

I returned to the rock but this time, walked further down to where the river met the lake. I closed my honey-coloured watery eyes and fell forward into the shining blue lake, struggling to breathe. I tried to cough but nothing escaped, lungs filling up with water and feeling like I was tied down. No escape from the darkness that began to snatch my vision away, I just wanted all the pain to stop. It was at the last few seconds, that i realised I don't want this to be the end, memories of the week I spent with Ikuto replayed in my mind. I wanted to live and to see Ikuto again.

But will she? :)


End file.
